“A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?” Albert Einstein
first things first. i’ve lost 9-lbs. *yippee* it’s not really noticeable, to me at least, but it’s definitely awesome to finally see some results on the scale.
this weight loss journey recently prompted quite a conversation with my better half. let’s begin…
he asked me a couple days ago if i was interested in a new gym that offered unlimited classes with its membership (i’m a huge fan of the kickboxing classes). i responded, ‘meh, not right now.’ then yesterday one of my georgia compadres asked if i was interested in joining her for a session of bikram (hot) yoga. i found out hubs had told her to shoot me a text… hmmm. today, hubs gets home and asks if i’ve looked into the gym he had mentioned. ‘ummm, no.’
my ensuing bitch of a mood was pretty disproportionate to the situation *major overreacting happening* and hubs finally asked what was up. off.i.went.
“you know, i’m losing weight doing exactly what i’m doing. i don’t need you to constantly tell me to do more or to make me feel like i’m not doing enough. *voice volume increasing rapidly at this point* you could just be happy and *by now i no longer recognize the voice coming out of my mouth as my own* supportive of my efforts!”
as he stared, mouth agape, i stared back, realizing any credibility i had, had rapidly disappeared.
“but,” he said quite gently *as those dealing with crazies often approach them gently* “you told me you wanted me to make sure you started exercising more. i was doing exactly what you asked me to do.” *damn!*
what could i do? he was right. really, really right. so… i laughed. a lot. i laughed so hard the belly was hurting and breathe was hard to come by. i couldn’t stop laughing.
and then it dawned on me, and i was able to tell him a truth that would forever free him from my weight-loss insanity.
“let me explain something to you. when it comes to this, this weight thing with me… you will never be right. you will never be supportive enough. you will rarely say the right thing. you will rarely do the right thing though god knows, you will try. if i tell you i want you to help me exercise more, the next time you ask me to exercise, i’ll get mad because you’re being so pushy. i’ll ask you to help me eat right, but when i ask to go out to dinner and you ask me if it’s ok with my diet, i’ll accuse you of micro-managing the chubby wife. when you tell me you love me so much, just the way that i am, i’ll accuse you letting me off easy and not pushing me enough. doll, you will never be right. because this is my thing. and it’s a terrible thing that enrages me to no end. and you are perfect and lovely and i’m so sorry it makes me a crazy person. but bear with me. it will, as god as my witness, be over soon.”
guys, it was totally cathartic. everyone’s weight loss journey, heck… everyone’s any journey is their own. and for me, for this journey… i totally have to go it alone.
have you ever gone to crazy town and emerged unscathed and just a little clearer?